Judge me Crit Me!

[x.Whinny [Nay]]

whinny said:

Link.

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Jet black limbs carried a burly body forth threw the frigid night. The sky an inky bluish black, luminous moon rays slicing through the upper atmosphere. A mass of trees encircled around the abode, emerald stalks growing from down within the soil. Paws touched the topography as if though it was covered with a thin layer of glass. Each step was hardly audible as the brujen tried his best to not be heard. An owl hooted over head, swooping soundlessly through the firmament. Link mused at its grace and beauty. How he wished he could be as noiseless as the dexterous owl that sails through the sky at night.

The ebonite brujen lowered his back, his embouchement peeling up flashing yellow tinted fangs. Sharp at the point, and baneful, the darkness had settled in. Hardly any light was given, so nothing was visible unless it moved. Link was difficult to see if it was not for the Caucasian colored patch of fur on his broad chest. Or his lime hued visionaries, luring you towards him, the eyes were so enticing. An admirable color indeed, the black baron’s occulenses narrowed to fine slits. Watching the young rabbit's every move, he crept a few steps forward. Ready to pounce, catching his balance. He steadied his bod’ stealing yet another step closer. A distinct cracking sound came from below, turning the angle of his dome he looked beneath himself. Growling with rage at the twig that had cracked in half under his weight, he looked back up. The rabbit had already bounded away back to his hole.

Shrugging his shoulder blades Link let his haunches fall to the floor. Muttering under his breath, his tone cut through the air with deadly aim.
“Wasn’t hungry anyway”

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Favoring the look of the land over the look of the turf beneath him, Link changed his scope of view. Nodding his head at the features he observed. The trickle of a stream was all that could be heard at this time of night. A fringe of trees were huddled together around the border of the land, which gave fairly good privacy. There were some birch trees which gave good shade for the warm summer months. A slim stream that trickled down to an untouched water hole, which didn’t look like it would be running out anytime soon, but it could flood in the rainy season. Plenty of long grass to hide in when stalking prey, Link liked this dwelling. He enjoyed the crisp air, and the good vibes that it gave off.

Raising his nadars up towards the firmament he scented the air for any aroma of other wolves. Inhaling none a slick smile played across his labrums. Letting out a long howl he harmonized with himself. Musing at the sweet sounds he could make. Shouting out in hope his voice was loud and deep.
“I Link, claim these lands as my own. I dare you to try and take them from me!”
His haunches settled back down on the turf and he continued to harmonize with himself. His mind daydreaming about owning a successful pack, calling meetings and pack hunts. Fighting juvenile challengers, ahh what a life he will lead.
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Judge me, one of my best posts. Not longest but one of my better ones.

[[P] i x i]

hmmmm.... i know im not the best rp'er, but a few things i'd fix up....

1] Jet black limbs carried a burly body forth threw the frigid night - right word, wrong spelling. 'threw' should be 'through'. reply if not sure why, though I think you know.... im not sure xP

2] Favoring the look of the land over the look of the turf beneath him, Link changed his scope of view. Nodding his head at the features he observed.
above sentence should be carried on from the previous one. There should be a comma [ , ] instead of a full stop [ . ]

3] Shouting out in hope his voice was loud and deep.
above sentence could be figured out two -from what I've noticed- ways....
a] Shouting out, in hope his voice was loud and deep.... or
b] Shouting out in hope, his voice was loud and deep....

though I think you meant the first one??? I think xDD

so yeah.... that's my crit.... besides them small things, i like it veryvery muchly ^^ I would post in starless horizons now, but I have to go Dx hope this helps ya anyway ^^

[x.Whinny [Nay]]

Thankyou muchly Pixi meh loffly. I see these things so clearly now =D

1.) Yush I see why ahaha.
2.) I've never been any good with commas or full stops, I shall work on it. One thing I try not to get are fragments. Because I type everything up on word and I dislike if I get a red or green line
3.) Yush I see what joo mean and I did mean b. Shouting out in hope, his voice was loud and deep.

Thankyou loffly. Lubb joo lots.xx

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[[P] i x i]

lol xDD i highlighted the wrong word in 1] I high lighted 'forth' instead of 'threw' ndndnd i can't be bothered modifying my post right now >.<

ndndnd im glad I helped xDD